Sorry, though. You're right - you've been enduring this endless waiting, and all this failure to change - You've been enduring it fifteen years. I haven't been here in Thedas even one, and I'm nearly about to go mad from it. You must be about ready to snap.
I want there to be a change. I intend for it to happen, one way or another. If you are truly driven mad by the state of Thedas, then you do not need time to think.
Except that - Well. I've acted before, because I was so furious, and half-mad. And when I did...I made so many mistakes. And what I did just made the magicians stronger, in the end.
[ She bites her lip, and hesitantly articulates something she hasn't really put into words before - ]
You know what happened then. You don't stop yourself. You change what you do, how you planned. You think fury is your flaw, then find a way to temper it.
But fury is fuel. If you aren't furious at what you are surrounded by, you will be mired in sleepy contention. Don't use it as an excuse. Use it as a weapon, and if it doesn't do what you want, make it.
You seem determined to tell it. If hearing it makes me understand why you're choosing to interpret a failure as an excuse to not do anything meaningful, ever again, then by all means.
[ She's tempted to just leave it be and say nothing. She knows that it's not going to impress him, the story she tells. He's not going to think any more of her for it. And he's certainly not going to be chastised or regret it if she refuses to tell it. But - But, well, you know what? She doesn't give a damn what he thinks of her, if he thinks she's a hero or pathetic or misguided or anything. What she cares about is - is being herself, and not being ashamed or afraid, and maybe using the lessons she's learned to help others. Because she's a revolutionary too, as experienced as he is - or if not as experienced, then at least experienced - and he can learn from her, damn it all.
So. ]
We were desperate to get our hands on weapons. That's what Mr Pennyfeather cared about more than anything - getting us weapons to bring down the magicians. And a magician got word of that, figured it out, and fed us a lead. See, in the tomb of the Founder - Gladstone - there was this staff, massively powerful, and guarded by a series of spells and an awful demon. The magician gave us the intelligence about the spells, but not the demon - decided to just throw us all at it, see if any of us made it through alive. And we fell for it. 'Cause we were just so hungry for it.
But he is listening. There is something about Kitty--not something that he likes, even--and nothing that he would ever admit, not even in minute or ways otherwise unconscious. Something akin to an acknowledgement. A kind of respect. She's come from somewhere. There is a belief in her, which looks out through her eyes. It is the same for him.
The story is not surprising. An elaboration on what small details he's known. It's also not surprising. A story that he knows, different words, different translations, different iterations.
[ That's less dismissive than she was expecting. Though it doesn't matter, because she doesn't care what he thinks. ]
Six, in the tomb. There were eleven in all, but we'd lost people over the years. So we six went down. And Anne and Fred and Stan and Mr Pennyfeather all died there.
[ Right. It's not accurate to say that everyone's dead, is it. But, well - ]
Nick turned and ran at the first sign of trouble.
[ Her voice is bitter and savagely judgmental, dripping with contempt. ]
If he could have pushed one of us down to get us between him and the afrit, he would have. And then, of course, the afrit kept coming after me - of course Nick got to escape unscathed. Absolutely typical.
[ Anyway. She lets out a breath, feeling a bit better for the opportunity to shit on Nick a bit. ]
[Nikos' lip curls, contemptuously. Never mind that this Nick is likely of age with Kitty. Someone else would be more inclined to temper their judgement. Nikos was thinking of revolution at sixteen, and his resolve was ironclad. Everyone else is measured against Caspar, against himself, against everyone that sat around those tables and committed themselves, truly, to their cause. He has no time for cowardice, especially not in the face of a true test.]
I would find a new demon and fucking feed it that prick, [he says, flatly,] first chance you get.
[But.]
What would you do differently, if this were presented to you again. The same setting. The same components and people and circumstances. Don't mistake me. I am not holding your hand. I am not telling you that it would all be better. You might get fucked again. But you know, now, what happened last time. The wisdom of experience. [He's quoting his own father with that, though it's a common enough saying that it doesn't need to be attributed.] I call it a weapon. Better than any knife.
[ no he was like mid-twenties and left a couple of kids and an old man to die, such a piece of shit
Kitty lets out a breath, feeling pleased by Nikos' viciousness. It makes her feel vicious, too, and rather vindicated. It eases a little bit of the tight feeling in her chest, so that she can answer truly: ]
Not that. What we were after, weapons - possessions - riches - It wasn't worth anything. We were just greedy and corrupt and pretending that we were righteous. I might do it again, if it were for something that mattered. Something that would really make a difference. I'd gladly risk death if it meant making real change.
So would I. Every time. That is why I brought this to you.
By killing Agathe, we shake the blind faith enjoyed by the Chantry. We topple some of its power--a small part, [which he has to concede,] she's but one woman. The Chantry is a beast with many heads. But one head gone proves that the beast can be killed. And if we manage to implicate Benedetta's supporters, we might weaken the strength of another.
And we demonstrate, that in order to survive, the Chantry must learn to serve the people. To truly serve the people. All of the people of Thedas, even the rifters that have come to this land, not by choice of their own.
People will easily believe that Benedetta's supporters organized this because the Chantry is full of this. You suggested that mine was not the only plot. I'm sure it is not. Like any system that purports to rule and control, the Chantry is subject to the poison of ambition, and greed, and gain.
A blow will expose this more plainly. People will see the Chantry for what it is. They will be given the opportunity to understand that the Chantry's power comes from nothing. That their power, the power of the people, is worth more, and carries more weight--and that the Chantry would do well to remember that.
Then Benedetta's supporters are implicated in her death. Benedetta's claim is weakened. The powers that operate the Chantry--the power-hungry, the conniving, those angling for position and status, ignorant of what the people need--their true nature is revealed.
[And, full of frustrated resignation, he has to admit:]
Chaos is necessary. The usual systems and governance has to be shaken for the people to find their opportunity. If the guiding hand of the Chantry is still in place, it will be relied on.
Encouragement, [and it sounds grudging, but he means it, it's not something he's good at, that's all,] will be needed. The right ideas given to the right people and the right actions to take next. But there has to be chaos. Right now, the people see the Chantry as a force that cannot be shaken, or questioned. We must shatter that. Peel back its face to show them that it is a fallible institution, made up of people and only people--and that they, the people--the larger body, disenfranchised, kept down--have just as much power within them. The force that can be wielded, if they can only see it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-04-03 01:48 am (UTC)Barely playing.
[ Then: ]
Sorry, though. You're right - you've been enduring this endless waiting, and all this failure to change - You've been enduring it fifteen years. I haven't been here in Thedas even one, and I'm nearly about to go mad from it. You must be about ready to snap.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-03 03:16 am (UTC)[Or need it. But.]
I want there to be a change. I intend for it to happen, one way or another. If you are truly driven mad by the state of Thedas, then you do not need time to think.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-05 11:38 pm (UTC)[ She bites her lip, and hesitantly articulates something she hasn't really put into words before - ]
I guess I can't really...entirely trust myself.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-06 07:24 pm (UTC)[--he counters, flatly.]
You know what happened then. You don't stop yourself. You change what you do, how you planned. You think fury is your flaw, then find a way to temper it.
But fury is fuel. If you aren't furious at what you are surrounded by, you will be mired in sleepy contention. Don't use it as an excuse. Use it as a weapon, and if it doesn't do what you want, make it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-06 10:52 pm (UTC)[ That's blurted out. She winces soon as it's said. But it's been said, so she explains unhappily - ]
The rest of the Resistance. We were stupid and so we all died. Except me.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-07 10:32 pm (UTC)Are you telling me this story or only revealing a piece of it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-07 10:36 pm (UTC)I don't...Do you want to hear it?
[ It's a real question. And she expects the answer's going to be no. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-07 11:10 pm (UTC)You seem determined to tell it. If hearing it makes me understand why you're choosing to interpret a failure as an excuse to not do anything meaningful, ever again, then by all means.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-07 11:22 pm (UTC)[ She's tempted to just leave it be and say nothing. She knows that it's not going to impress him, the story she tells. He's not going to think any more of her for it. And he's certainly not going to be chastised or regret it if she refuses to tell it. But - But, well, you know what? She doesn't give a damn what he thinks of her, if he thinks she's a hero or pathetic or misguided or anything. What she cares about is - is being herself, and not being ashamed or afraid, and maybe using the lessons she's learned to help others. Because she's a revolutionary too, as experienced as he is - or if not as experienced, then at least experienced - and he can learn from her, damn it all.
So. ]
We were desperate to get our hands on weapons. That's what Mr Pennyfeather cared about more than anything - getting us weapons to bring down the magicians. And a magician got word of that, figured it out, and fed us a lead. See, in the tomb of the Founder - Gladstone - there was this staff, massively powerful, and guarded by a series of spells and an awful demon. The magician gave us the intelligence about the spells, but not the demon - decided to just throw us all at it, see if any of us made it through alive. And we fell for it. 'Cause we were just so hungry for it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 02:26 am (UTC)But he is listening. There is something about Kitty--not something that he likes, even--and nothing that he would ever admit, not even in minute or ways otherwise unconscious. Something akin to an acknowledgement. A kind of respect. She's come from somewhere. There is a belief in her, which looks out through her eyes. It is the same for him.
The story is not surprising. An elaboration on what small details he's known. It's also not surprising. A story that he knows, different words, different translations, different iterations.
So he grunts, first. Acknowledgement.]
How many were among you?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 03:02 am (UTC)Six, in the tomb. There were eleven in all, but we'd lost people over the years. So we six went down. And Anne and Fred and Stan and Mr Pennyfeather all died there.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 04:12 am (UTC)[If it's not outright dismissal, it's accurate math.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 12:18 pm (UTC)Nick turned and ran at the first sign of trouble.
[ Her voice is bitter and savagely judgmental, dripping with contempt. ]
If he could have pushed one of us down to get us between him and the afrit, he would have. And then, of course, the afrit kept coming after me - of course Nick got to escape unscathed. Absolutely typical.
[ Anyway. She lets out a breath, feeling a bit better for the opportunity to shit on Nick a bit. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 07:46 pm (UTC)I would find a new demon and fucking feed it that prick, [he says, flatly,] first chance you get.
[But.]
What would you do differently, if this were presented to you again. The same setting. The same components and people and circumstances. Don't mistake me. I am not holding your hand. I am not telling you that it would all be better. You might get fucked again. But you know, now, what happened last time. The wisdom of experience. [He's quoting his own father with that, though it's a common enough saying that it doesn't need to be attributed.] I call it a weapon. Better than any knife.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-09 02:49 am (UTC)Kitty lets out a breath, feeling pleased by Nikos' viciousness. It makes her feel vicious, too, and rather vindicated. It eases a little bit of the tight feeling in her chest, so that she can answer truly: ]
Not that. What we were after, weapons - possessions - riches - It wasn't worth anything. We were just greedy and corrupt and pretending that we were righteous. I might do it again, if it were for something that mattered. Something that would really make a difference. I'd gladly risk death if it meant making real change.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-09 04:21 pm (UTC)So would I. Every time. That is why I brought this to you.
By killing Agathe, we shake the blind faith enjoyed by the Chantry. We topple some of its power--a small part, [which he has to concede,] she's but one woman. The Chantry is a beast with many heads. But one head gone proves that the beast can be killed. And if we manage to implicate Benedetta's supporters, we might weaken the strength of another.
And we demonstrate, that in order to survive, the Chantry must learn to serve the people. To truly serve the people. All of the people of Thedas, even the rifters that have come to this land, not by choice of their own.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 02:13 am (UTC)How does this demonstrate that?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 03:12 am (UTC)A blow will expose this more plainly. People will see the Chantry for what it is. They will be given the opportunity to understand that the Chantry's power comes from nothing. That their power, the power of the people, is worth more, and carries more weight--and that the Chantry would do well to remember that.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 12:38 am (UTC)[ She gnaws a little on her lower lip. ]
What comes after?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 03:20 am (UTC)What?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 05:29 pm (UTC)[And, full of frustrated resignation, he has to admit:]
It is nothing that happens overnight.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 11:45 pm (UTC)[ A breath. ]
It seems like this plan creates chaos. And it seems like we ought to have...a better way to make that chaos go our way.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 04:59 pm (UTC)Encouragement, [and it sounds grudging, but he means it, it's not something he's good at, that's all,] will be needed. The right ideas given to the right people and the right actions to take next. But there has to be chaos. Right now, the people see the Chantry as a force that cannot be shaken, or questioned. We must shatter that. Peel back its face to show them that it is a fallible institution, made up of people and only people--and that they, the people--the larger body, disenfranchised, kept down--have just as much power within them. The force that can be wielded, if they can only see it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-12 11:53 pm (UTC)I see.
[ And she does. Reluctantly. But it...all makes a lot of sense. ]
If the Chantry came crumbling down - entirely - what would happen?
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